Circus Galacticus is now out of my hands and off in the big world (good luck, little book!), but the universe and the characters are still very much on my brain. What is interesting to me is that I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of burning desperation to get to the end in my writing. That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed writing my other books– I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t love all these stories and characters. But just as I love reading different books for different reasons, I am discovering that I love writing different stories for different reasons. I’ve been trying to explain this to myself in terms of the journey and the destination.

There are some books I love to read because of the journey. They have marvelous characters I just plain enjoy hanging out with, and detailed worlds I can sink into and enjoy. I don’t want to race through these books to find out what happens. There may be overarching plots and usually the main characters do undergo some sort of character development, but that’s not the main reason I am reading the book. I read them because I want to linger in the world, with these characters. Some of the books that fall into this category for me are: the Anne books (L. M. Montgomery), Dragonsinger (Anne McCaffrey), the various Georgette Heyer books I’ve read so far, the Betsy-Tacy books (Maud Hart Lovelace), Howl’s Moving Castle (Diana Wynne Jones), Flora Segunda (Ysabeau Wilce), the Beezus and Ramona books (Beverly Cleary), Dairy Queen (Catherine Gilbert Murdock). Just because I didn’t feel compelled to stay up all night finishing these books doesn’t mean I think they are inferior by any means. In fact, several of the above books are on my all-time, take-to-a-desert-isle list.

Then there are books that I read (and do not necessarily enjoy) because of the destination. I race through to get to the end to find out what happens, even if I don’t particularly care about the characters or the world. I just want to KNOW HOW IT ENDS. Most of the time I don’t even really remember these books after I read them (and sometimes, I admit, I do skip to the end) so I don’t have a lot of examples fresh in mind, except for The DaVinci Code. I read it, even as I was frustrated by it in many ways, because I was compelled to find out how it ended. They’re like popcorn or mindless action movies. I can’t stop consuming them once I start, but they don’t really satisfy.

Lastly, there are books that I read for both journey and destination — I want to linger with the characters and explore the world, but at the same time I have to find out how it ends. Will the characters I love be okay? Will the things I am hoping for happen? Will character X end up with character Y? I only had to read the first chapter of The Hunger Games online to become obsessed with finding out what would become of Katniss and her loved ones. When I finally got a copy I tried to slow down, to make the most of the reading experience, but it was very very difficult. If I could have gotten my hands on Catching Fire last fall, I would have read it at once to find out what happened next. Likewise as each new Harry Potter book was released, the only thing that kept me from devouring them whole was that my husband and I were listening to the audio versions together. And even so, there were many nights we didn’t do anything but sit there listening to find out what was going to happen. As much as I loved the details of the wizarding world and the wonderful cast of characters, I also wanted desperately to find out how it would all end. More recently, I listened to the audio book of Tamora Pierce’s Beka Cooper: Terrier, and even before I was on the last disk I went to check out book 2 from the library, because I was obsessed with finding out if certain things were going to happen (and alas, it looks like I am going to have to wait for book 3 to find them out!).

For me, writing has most often been more about the journey. I am not sure if that’s because my books themselves are more journey-books than destination-books, or just a feature of my practice of writing from an outline. CIRCUS, however, has been a different sort of beast. I did very much love the journey of writing the first book, and I believe it ends with the characters reaching a satisfying destination. But more than ever before, I want to know where these characters are going to go next. Will character X end up with character Y? What tragedies and joys will they experience? How will it all end?

At first I thought maybe I could quiet those clamoring voices by outlining the rest of the series I envision, and perhaps writing the last few chapters (the big climactic ending) of the final book. But what I’ve realized is that I really do need the journey too. If it were enough to simply find out what happens, this would just be one of those forgettable type 2 books as described above. So, since I’ve finished my writing goal for the year in completing Circus Galacticus and sending it off, so now I will take some time this fall to play, and indulge my own passion to find out not only the destination my characters are headed for, but what sort of journey is going to get them there. I am looking forward to it!

Fellow outliners — what is your experience with the journey versus the destination, given that you may have a pretty detailed map? And those of you who are more seat-of-your-pants writers, do you feel this sort of driving passion to find out what happens in your books, since you may be finding it out at the same time as your characters? Or is your writing experience more about the journey?

Finally, here’s some other tidbits:

• I feel very fortunate right now to have such excellent friends and family. Like my college friend Tara, who went out and got a copy of Fortune’s Folly, sent me a sweet note about it, then also forwarded me happy little notes from her own relations who she passed it along to. And my uncle Eric (who always sent me the best books for my birthday when I was a kid!) just forwarded a lovely little review from a friend of his at work (thank you, Bob!).
• I’ve got four library visits and one bookstore signing scheduled for this fall, whee! I am looking forward to getting out and meeting more book-loving people. I will be updating my website with more details once they are fixed.
• I’m also going to be attending the Bar Harbor Book Festival on September 12 and 13. There will be panels and readings and Real Author Stuff. Plus it’s in an absolutely gorgeous location. I am really looking forward to meeting some of the wonderful writers I know online in person for the first time, like my fellow deb Erin Dionne, and the event organizer, the fabulous Carrie Jones. And even though we’ve already met in person several times, it will be great to see my other fellow deb-from-Maine, Megan Frazer.

There are times when I forget why I write, times when I doubt myself and wonder if I’m just writing because of some misguided fantasy about “being an author”. And to be honest, there’s a part of me that does fantasize about it: the little writing cottage, the awards, the fan mail, meeting other authors and being one of the cool kids. But that’s not why I write. And I don’t do it for the money either (though money is nice!).

This is why I write:

• Because my mind is a net collecting weird, sparkly, magical stuff, and I need to do something with all of it.
• Because I woke up this morning with a twist for the end of the CIRCUS books that fit so perfectly I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before this. It’s those moments when the story suddenly feels real. It’s not just a spattering of words flung out of your fingertips. It’s alive. It knows what it wants to be.
• Because when I finished my newest revision of CIRCUS last night, I still loved the book. I loved writing it, I loved meeting those characters and exploring their world. Sure, I hope readers will get to see it someday and that they will love it too. But right at this moment, when it’s still (mostly) my book alone, I am content. Whatever else happens, I am so glad I had the chance to write this book. For me.

Of course, part of the reason I am posting this is so I can look back at it later if I fall into the depths of despair and remind myself of what is really important. Because it is SO easy to get lost in the sea of amazon rankings and sales and reviews and web presence. But none of that is worth anything without a story you love, a story you have to tell.

On a tangential but important note, anyone interested in promoting a love of reading might be interested in this posting at The Reading Zone, which in turn is about this post at Musings of a Book Addict. I am grateful to all the teachers and librarians out there who are working so hard to try to help kids see reading as something that can be fun and rewarding, not just rote, unpleasant busywork.